What does it mean?! Social media stories & the dating diet

Hello there! It’s 2019 – the digital age. We are all just trying to get along, do our own thing and live our best lives according to the brand we created for ourselves on our social media platforms. People are eating vegan and gluten free and are wearing athleisure at all hours of the day. One minute someone is taking designer drugs in a club and the next they are wearing white linens doing yoga on the beach.

People have become famous simply because they post pretty pics of themselves in minimal clothing, Trump is President, our nation is more divided than it’s ever been, we just got our first female leader of the New York Stock Exchange, we may or may not have a meeting with North Korea soon and the reason I know all of this is because like the rest of you, I spend hours and hours each week in the digital world on one of my various electronic devices, on one of my multiple social media platforms reading and sending…messages.

Recently, my inbox has been full with messages from people (specifically women) going mental over what is means when someone (they like, have dated, have been intimate with or are interested in) views their Instagram and Snapchat stories.

I’ve spent the past 3 months or so studying up on this topic and to be honest, I was disappointed with what I found. There’s just not a lot of concrete answers to our question. So, I decided to take the matter into my own hands. I did some experimenting, studying, snooping and interviewing of tons of men- ones I knew very well, and ones I didn’t know at all; the players, the nice guys, the single and committed, the confident and insecure, the list goes on. In truth, people of all genders look at each others stories for many of the same reasons… But for some reason, my gal friends think that the reasons why men look are much more complicated. Well…as I thought, guys are not as complicated as you think! 

SO LADIES, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!  HERE WE GO! Popular questions you’ve asked:

YOUR QUESTION  Do guys check who views their social media stories?


THEIR ANSWER: Yes. All of the guys I interviewed check who views their story at least every once in a while. They are interested in who is looking at their stuff just as you are.

OUR CONCLUSION:
 So yes, if you are obsessively looking at their stuff, they see that. And we are not quite sure what the instagram algorithm is, but the more you interact with them, the closer you will be at the top of their viewing list. Big surprise. However, the more you look…the more interest you are showing in their life over all. Take that into account when you’re considering what you want them to think of you…

YOUR QUESTION: I have such a hard time not looking at my ex’s story. But he rarely (if ever) looks at mine. Why?

THEIR ANSWER: All of the guys asked said that when it comes to an ex, their reasons for viewing are different. Unlike many women, MOST GUYS said that if they are really trying to get over an ex, they will try to not look at their social media, because they know it is going to hurt- “I don’t want to be tempted.” “I know it’s not a good idea.” “I don’t want to think about her- I’m trying to move on.” One said, “If I am not looking, it’s because I don’t care or at least don’t want to care.”

OUR CONCLUSION: The dude is not looking, because he is trying to move on. He’s not going to move on completely if he keeps seeing you all the time. How is a heroin addict going to stop injecting heroin if he keeps hanging around his junky friends who are shooting up right in front of him? Makes enough sense to me. This one’s not rocket science people.

YOUR QUESTION: But Blaire… He broke up with/ended things with/stopped talking to/cut ties with/ghosted me or maybe has even moved on to someone new! WHY DOES HE KEEP LOOKING?

THEIR ANSWER: The majority of the guys said that if they are still looking after they are the ones who ended things, it’s more of an ego thing for them and less of a loving thing aka you really shouldn’t pay much attention to it- “I want to see if I’ve messed up, if she’s happy, if she’s moved on.” “I want her to still know I am thinking about her in case I decide I want to date her again…let’s be honest… we know you see it. That’s enough for me. I just don’t care enough to actually reach out.” “I may be having a bit of daters remorse… did I make the right decision?” “I want to make sure she is still an option later on… so I check in every once in a while- has she met someone new?” One guy said- “Honestly I just look because she’s hot and fun to look at. Is that a crime?” Another said, “Her stories are entertaining. She’s a fascinating person. But yeah, I ended things for a reason. I don’t plan to reach out again.” OR the dude has not moved on and is looking for the same reasons you are- they miss you… but they don’t reach out because…Refer to the question below.

OUR CONCLUSION: All of this seems pretty obvious to me. He’s curious about what you’re doing. Nuff said.

YOUR QUESTION: If he keeps looking at my stories, is interested in me, or misses me, what keeps him from reaching out?

THEIR ANSWER: Fear of rejection. It’s a self- esteem thing. Some guys said they may look for a perfect opportunity to reach out, but girls shouldn’t hold their breath, because they may never do it- “No matter how confident or good-looking the guy is, it still isn’t super easy for him to reach out to a girl he likes.” “Being vulnerable is tough. But that’s what makes a man and that’s the type of guy I wish more girls dated.” “I don’t get women. My girl told me to beat it but I am pretty sure she secretly wants me to reach out.. I am not going to. Why would I want to be told to beat it again?” A lot of men ask themselves if reaching out is a good idea- “We don’t want to feel like a fool.” “If a girl’s already rejected me, she’s got to be really amazing for me to put myself out there again and potentially get hurt (again).” “She may be too far away, in a relationship, or something like that. I don’t want to waste my time.” “Before I reach out, I ask myself- is it worth it? Maybe I don’t because I know there’s no chance or it’s just not the right time.”

OUR CONCLUSION: If you think this may be the case, go ahead and reach out to the guy. All of the men interviewed said they would appreciate if a woman they were interested in reached out. The thing is, make sure to only put in as much effort as they return. If you reach out to them and they don’t respond or engage back, stop investing your time and energy into them and move on- “Communicating with someone you’re interested in over social media is risky business. You should try to do it as little as possible.” “Everything you do sends a message- you could come off too desperate or too insecure with a few words and immediately I will be turned off.” “If I see everything she’s up to, I feel as if there is no mystery left and I lose interest rather quickly.” “Guy’s like a bit of a chase… I want to put in the effort for a woman I like and I don’t want it to just be over the phone.”

Now, the question of the hour: Why does the guy I like look at my story?

THEIR ANSWERS (EVERY TIME):

-He was simply looking at stories and yours popped up or he accidentally looked at it and it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he was just curious.

– He wants to keep tabs on you with as little effort as possible in case he wants to pop back in your life at an opportune time for him.

– He is interested in you. (I know… that’s the answer you wanted to hear…but still it’s not good enough of an answer for me and let me explain…)

Story viewing, likes, tags, dm’s, waves, pokes, emojis, texts, all of these things are ways for men to put in as little effort as possible into you- like the BARE MINIMUM amount of effort and STILL we are losing our marbles over this? What? Why? This is not acceptable nor does it make sense. We should expect more effort out of all people we care for and who care for us and especially people we choose to be intimate and spend so much time with… Do you want to receive a love big mac or a love lean cuisine? Are we seriously hanging onto hopeful threads of likes and story views for evidence that someone cares?

YOU ARE LOVABLE AND DESERVE MORE LOVE THAN THAT SO THIS CONCEPT (to be frank) IS ABSOLUTELY STUPID. It’s stupid because as you can see, there are many reasons why men view your stories and it’s cool we have a deeper insight into the possible meanings behind their views, but here’s the big BANGER, THE BIG BALOOGA, THE GIANT CRAZY GROUND-BREAKING UNEARTHED DISCOVERY ABOUT MEN THAT HAS ACTUALLY BEEN HAPPENING FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS BUT FOR SOME REASON WE ARE DECIDING TO FORGET ABOUT IT: 100% OF MEN INTERVIEWED- ALL OF EM- EVERY FLIPPING ONE AGREED: If they cared enough about you, they would eventually reach out to you and they would be doing way more than just looking at your story. 

Yep you heard me. If someone (anyone) cares about you and wants to be in your life, they better be doing a hell of a lot more than lurking your social media. Period.

Raise your standards and the right guy will rise to meet them. Let him view your stuff and see how hot you are (who cares? I don’t), if it bothers you, block him and stop putting so much weight into why he looks. I promise you, the man of your dreams will pick up the phone, see you in person and leave the social media world to jump into your world like the knight in shining armor that he is because honestly, it’s not that hard to do. All of our cell phones have speed dial and unless he is the President of the United States who is super duper busy with his phone tapped by the FBI at all times… you deserve a call. Or at least a DM(LOL).
This piece has been shortened due to editorial purposes. To read the article in all of its glory please click here and see author box for more of Blaire’s wonderful writing.

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